Ignoring 50% of Feedback Can Boost Your Success
As organizations try to equip their people to be their most effective self at work, they often miss out on a critical part: enabling their people to give and receive useful feedback.
A few weeks ago, a senior executive who I coach (let’s call her Sara) came to me very distressed about some feedback she’d received. Sara reported that she was having lunch with a younger colleague (Jenny) and that they were having a lot of fun catching up after not seeing each other in a while. Sara admitted that she feels very close to Jenny and she loves to spend time with her when she can. Later that afternoon, Sara’s colleague, John, came by to let her know that he felt her relationship with Jenny was unprofessional and that she was putting Jenny’s career at risk. Sara was confused and upset about this feedback and had no idea what to do with it.
What is Feedback?
If you are not actively managing the feedback process that you use as an organization, your employees have no clarity on where to focus their attention. This puts them at risk of giving each other useless feedback on things that are, at best, unimportant and may have nothing to do with what they are trying to improve or, at worst, interpersonally destructive.
Whenever anyone is giving feedback there is a complicated combination of two things: information that is about the giver and information that is about the receiver. Knowing which one is which can be hard to discern but it basically breaks down like this: feedback that is about the giver consists of the spontaneous thoughts or feelings that someone is having about you in any given moment. What they say about you is more about what they are experiencing and less about what they know you are working on. Listening to this feedback may be helpful, but it is often optional. Feedback that is about the receiver comes from someone who knows what you are working on and is targeted to help you gain insight into how you are performing against your stated goals. This feedback is aimed at helping you be better at what you do, how you do it. This feedback might be spontaneous but if the company has a system to help employees share their goals with each other this feedback can be thoughtful, deliberate, and helpful and is worth listening to.
What is “Good” Feedback?
As was mentioned, not all feedback is created equal. We often need to interpret feedback we get from colleagues to understand what is about them and what is about us, and this takes precious time. Let's go back to Sara, Jenny and John. What was John feeling that was about him and what was about Sara? Upon reflection Sara was able to see that she treated Jenny differently than she did John. She was warmer to Jenny and more interested in her as a person. Even the strongest person gets a little hurt when they realize they are not as well liked as someone else. Sara’s relationship with Jenny made John feel left out and, as a senior leader, one of Sara’s ongoing goals was to make everyone feel equally valued. So, although John was giving Sara spontaneous feedback that was about his feelings, it was still valuable, but only 50%. Sara was being careless by not being mindful of the impact that her personal feelings towards Jenny had on other employees. The 50% that was not accurate was that Sara was putting Jenny’s career at risk, unless John oversaw her promotions.
As a simple illustration, see the picture below to remember that the feedback you should most pay attention to is deliberate, and about you.
How can this be helped?
Creating a culture that is comfortable with regular feedback
Provide a systematic way for employees to update and share their goals with each other
Provide training on how to give and receive useful feedback that is aligned with coworkers’ goals
Encourage a safe environment where employees can recommend development goals to each other as they see the opportunity
If these four things had been in place, John might have seen Sara being too chummy with Jenny and instead of feeling threatened, he would use his feedback training to speak to Sara more skillfully about her behavior. He would know that if he was feeling emotional then other people might also, and he would be empowered to recommend that Sara think about working on being more inclusive in the future.
Share your stories
Have you ever received feedback that was unsolicited, partly crazy but also helpful? How would you change the way feedback is given and received in your organization? Please email us at contactus@geigsen.com and share your stories. We are always eager to hear how our readers navigate the emotional world of work!